checkin' in

well, it's almost the end of the month of january 2015. just want to check in and see how my new years resolution is so far.

my mental health has been relatively okay but i started smoking again. i am not a heavy smoker, i try to stay away from it when it's not necessary for me to smoke. but things get overwhelming at times and i need that to help me ease off things and i'm not proud to say this but it does help. i am not hooked on it and i dont intend to. i still have self-control. i know this is not right but it's what keeping me together for now. after the end of my foundation, i dont think i would want to smoke anymore.

studies. it's going okay i presume. im doing all my work, i've been paying attention in class and making notes. though i really need to buck up and study harder. my mocks are coming up in the first week of march and i have approximately 2 to 3 weeks' time to study and do well in it. i dont want to disappoint any of my lecturers and especially my parents. they've paid money and they have all the trust and faith in the world in me, i really dont want to let anybody down. most importantly, i dont want to let myself down. i need to kick the habit of procastination away asap. i also need to learn how to prioritise things because that's really important now.

forgiving people, eh. so far there have not been any disputes between my friends and i, so that's great. but i need to start understanding that if certain people wants to stay as friends, then so be it that way. it hurts to read those message but it's worth the wait, hazel. it's worth it. time to put all your feelings aside and focus on your studies for now and until you get your certificate, hazel. remember your ultimate goal. you know what you bloody want, so go get it. you can do it, just put in more effort.

gym, im laughing at this because i am going to cancel my membership. like i mentioned, even though i am really determined to lose weight but i dont think now is the appropriate time. i do have the time but i dont have the energy to do so. im so exhausted from all the workload, it's crazy. i can push this off and wait until i finish my course. i really want to lose weight, but not now. not at this point of time.

so far, i'll say that 2015 has been okay for me. there's ups and downs but it hasn't gotten to a point where i loathe 2015. i shall make 2015 a good year, despite of all the hardships that i'm going to face. im a strong person and i can make through this. i can bloody do it.