the miscarriage that happened when j was 3 left a goddamn mark. the raining, the me asking mom to open the door, the moment my mom slip and fell, my dad slapping me and yelled at me, the guilt. even after 15 years it's still stuck with me. like a freshly burnt scar and I just want it to go away. go away leave me be. I want to be happy
I keep telling myself that it's the exam stress but I don't know. it's like everything is hitting me at once I don't know I don't deserve all this I don't know I wish I were dead I wish something would kill me in my sleep or a demon would drag me to somewhere that's not hell
I'm so tired of living I want to disappear
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