death

it's 1:47am. I'm awake still. I'm exhausted and sleepy but the thinking keeps me up. I saw Val today. talked about things that I've been bottling up. in some way, it made me feel better but I'm overcome by this immense amount of feelings and memories that I've hid away for many years. the whole dishing it out and talking about it seems like a 50-50 sort of thing. feeling good and then feeling shitty again. it sucks. i want to talk about these things to move past it but it's so hard to do that. I've been living with this for so long. it's just like a part of me. why am I still in so much pain?

can death end this agony? I hope so.