fuck.

i am so exhausted. I had a relatively good day. went to Holi with friends, thoroughly enjoyed myself. but I'm just down right now. I don't even know why. I was talking to josh and this feeling just came out of nowhere. I'm sure it's just the pms and my moods are just swinging. but I don't like it. I want to hurt myself. I want to scratch myself until I bleed, I want to cut myself or I want to slit my wrists. I just don't see the point of anything. I feel like I'm in a lot of pain. why is this just a whole big maybe and I don't knows? this uncertainty is driving me nuts and I just don't know. fucking hell I want to cry. fucking hell this is excruciating painful. fucking hell this is tiring. fucking hell I want to hurt myself. fucking hell why am I such a goddamn mess. fucking hell