a mess

I crave for intimacy, I crave touch and I crave emotional connection. I'd like to think that I'm doing just fine without these things but lately, I've been craving for these more and more. Perhaps after holding his hands and feeling like they were made perfectly for me, I miss touch. I don't know if it's just his touch or what but I feel hollow. Maybe not hollow just lost. Like I've been wandering around in a foreign city, just lost. Or maybe it's not lost. It's this feeling that I don't know how to put it in words. Maybe there's no words to describe how I feel. What if all I'm feeling does not even exist? It's just some crap that I made up with and people just went along with me? Am I driving myself to the wall? I am sane but I'm also not sane. This is so hard for me to talk about because I can't put a lot of things that I feel into words and it's just replaced with words that I'm familiar with but it doesn't describe half of what it is that I feel. This is also very confusing because it's hard to throughly understand what I feel. This feels odd, intangible and unfamiliar. It's scary and peculiar. It just baffles me. 

I had a nightmare last night, not fun. I was screaming on the top of my lungs in that dream. I can't even scream like that normally, unless I'm on a roller coaster. My god, what the fuck is happening.