FED UP

Fuck grammar and writing styles or whatever. I'll just write whatever I have in my mind right now. I am getting sick and tired of everything. I don't know exactly know what I'm sick of. But right now, I am sick of the act of checking social media because it drains me. I am sick and tired of people telling me I am not Korean enough. I am sick and tired of people wanting me to know what the fuck I want to do. I am 18, I know I'm supposed to have it all figured out but why now? Why can't it be when I'm in second year of university? I am not even in university yet and I'm supposed to have it all figured out? What the fuck. Some people exist and live apparently just fine even without having it all figured out. I am sick and tired of all these expectations and standards I'm supposed to meet. Sick and tired of all these bullshit comparison games. Sick and tired of having to pretend that everything is just sunshine and rainbows when sometimes all I feel is anger. I am bitter, yes. I don't know if I'm depressed. I don't feel that way. I feel like everything in my life is going on the right track so why am I still feeling all of this? Why is there a constant darkness in my head? Why is it always so negative? Why do I always focus the bad and not the good? Why am I so easily sucked in and trapped in all of this? What have I done to deserve this? Have I not been good? Have all of my kindness been repaid with dirty tricks? Why am I being tested on, obstacle one after the other? Why do people like testing my limits? 

Tonight, I dislike myself and I really wish I were dead.