thoughts

i saw val yesterday. we talked about things and they were mainly about jenn. val is saying that im still grieving. im writing about jenn, again. i really need to stop. but i dont think i can. i think it's hard for me to not stop talking about him. even though he has hurt me multiple times, he still holds a very special place in my heart. which is very stupid. why am i enabling the memories that i have of him to hurt me? memories work in a very funny way, i think. i dont understand why life is filled with pain. what's the point of it? what is the point of it all, really? everything, good or bad, eventually comes to an end. it's an upsetting thought, really. i dont know if this qualifies as an 'existential crisis' but i dont like it one bit. im already confused and lost enough with a lot of things that's happening in my life, i really dont need the further confusion, hah. so yeah, i dont get the point of it all. 

im currently sitting at a cafe, after sending lunch to my boyfriend. my shoes are drenched because it was raining super heavily earlier. the plastic bag got wet too. i sure hope the sticky notes weren't wet, hah. if they were, then i dont know. i think i'll just sit here and browse pintrest or something while eating my tiramisu mille crepe cake and drink my hot chocolate. 

currently, i dont know what i feel about life.