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hm. today, i don't feel so well. i actually haven't been okay for a while, both physically and mentally. physical stuff isn't what bothers me because they go away somehow. mental stuffs are bit annoying to deal because they don't really go away and they start to worsen sometimes. i think my mental health is getting a bit shit. i've been wanting to sleep more and more, for no reason. i havent been wanting to get out of bed because i physically feel like i cant. i dont feel like i can face the world and whatever that's coming to my way. i dont know. i dont even know what writing will do anymore. i dont even know whats the point of seeing a counsellor. whats the point of just bringing up things that i dont really want to relive anyways? what's the point of it all? what is the point of recovery when i dont really get better? im scared. im scared if i'll always be this way. i'm scared that i'll always go through this cycle of feeling that im better and then sinking to a low point. but life is so fragile though. i can always end it. it's so easy to end it all. but i dont know. i havent been sleeping well. im having more nightmares. i can't sleep. im exhausted. i dont know if this is depression. i dont feel that bad. i just feel hopeless and exhausted. not only that, my feelings for emotions don't last for very long. oh fuck writing or venting or whatever. might as well be dead on the inside.